Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize