i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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