I met the friendliest cop last night
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
