My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
