Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
she pinky promised me she was 18
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize