so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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