Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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