OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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