she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Drunk is not a location!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize