Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
