just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
