how can u be prego again
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
