i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
