so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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