Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
