I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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