So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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