Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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