I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
