How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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