wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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