My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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