i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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