dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
