I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
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