If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
