Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
