I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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