Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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