I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
