btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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