i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
