Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
