I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
