I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
