census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
