Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
