There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
