I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
