Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
