Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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