WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
