OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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