I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
