if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
smell my finger.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
