apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
