here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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