Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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