I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
