A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
