you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
