I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
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