if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
