my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
