If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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