I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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