thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
