don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I think my moral compass just broke
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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