Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
