Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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