I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
