is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
