your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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