Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
