After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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