i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
