I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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