im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
