dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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