I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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