Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
