First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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