There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
