I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
