I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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