So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I need moral support for this bender
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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