Small penises have feelings too.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Less talking, more tequila
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
