how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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