We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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