Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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