You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
