I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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