Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
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