I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize