I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
