Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
