I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
