I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
