i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
