It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize