How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
this will be a night to untag.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
