i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
