I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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