U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i love accidental penises.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The Olympian is in my bed
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
