Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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