Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
