I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We need to get me chipped asap
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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