What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
