real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
