my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
