I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Where is the hickey?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
