I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
