I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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