You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
