so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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