Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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