I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
