If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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