So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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