No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
