This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize