I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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