I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize