this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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