Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
