Banned from zoo.
Again?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
