Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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