He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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